Down with the Sickness/Transcript

This is the transcript for Down with the Sickness.

Opening

 * Little Fish: Down with the Sickness. (giggled)
 * Gil, Molly, Goby, Deema, Oona and Nonny: Raph! Raph! Raph! Raph! Raph! Raph!
 * Gil: Oh boy, he's gonna mess this game up.
 * Molly: Will you stop it? He's not like that.
 * Gil: Well, I'm just saying he doesn't have this.
 * Raph: You're just trying to get in my head.
 * Donnie: Oh my. He just increase it into double.
 * Nonny: You said it, Raph is a total bro on this game.

Stage 1: Fever

 * Oona (shivering): This is Stage 1?!
 * Mikey (shivering): I know, right? Think warm thoughts: pizza ovens, bricks from Italy, woodchips roasting.
 * Raph (shivering): We're 4 hours in. His fever's gotta break soon.
 * Deema: Oh, come on! I was already in a head start and this is how you guys repay me? (drinks the hot chocolate but then...) Achoo!
 * Donnie (shivering): Oh, Deema's infected. Quarantine her!
 * Goby (shivering): What's quarantine?
 * Nonny (shivering): Quarantine is... (Plastic wall zips up, locking Deema in) That.
 * Deema: Hey, you guys can't keep me in here forever. I really wanted to get Stage 7.
 * Gil: We're not keeping you in there forever Deema.
 * Molly: We just don't want you spreading Splinter's cold.
 * Deema: Spread? (chuckles) That's funny, how could I spread it when the heater's on? Is it on? I don't know what's going on. (screams as jets spraying blue mist hit)
 * Raph: And then there were 9. Alright, fellas. Let's be careful so the rest of us can make sure we get what we want.
 * Leo: I'm way ahead of you brother, Raph. (drinks the hot chocolate then spits it out when he and the others saw Splinter) What? Wha... Why?!
 * Splinter: Had to air myself out. (Falls on his face as wisps of smoke rise off of him. Then he growls and lifts his head, screeching and looking demonic)
 * Nonny: I think all of that breeze may have gone to his head.
 * Gil: Yeah, yeah. I've got a plan.
 * Raph: What is it?
 * Gil: Uh, well-- uh, you... pet him.
 * Donnie: Yeah.
 * Gil: And I'll... (zooms off) RUN! (and the others follow him)
 * Raph: Oh great, thanks a lot! (and everyone start screaming as Splinter charges at them and begins chasing them)

Stage 2: Wild Rat Man

 * (All screaming as they run along the balcony in the lair with Splinter chasing them. Raph and Mikey in full hazmat suits, Leo trying to get into his)
 * Mikey: Don’t eat me! Raph’s tastier!
 * Raph (Still tugging at his suit): Suits on! Suits on! Donnie, get the device ready.
 * Donnie: (At center of lair) Uh, it’s ready. (Zipping up suit) You know, my inspiration for this device was simplicity. (Pulls his helmet on) Why dress something up with lots of bells and whistles when you can just let it speak for its . . ..
 * Leo: No one has time for this!
 * (Donnie presses button on his gauntlet. There’s a deep rumbling as water from a pipe stops flowing and a large clear ball rolls out, smashing into Leo and Goby, who grunts as it hits them. They fall to the center of the lair with the containment ball)
 * Raph: Nice! Alright, let's get him inside.
 * (And they all got to the ground floor, standing around the ball. Leo opens a box containing pizza and Splinter approaches, snarling. Leo throws the box into the ball and Splinter leaps after it, going into the ball. Donnie and Goby shove a giant plug into the entrance)
 * Donnie: Okay, this should hold him for a while.
 * Oona: And you sure this isn't cruel?
 * Leo: She's right, I'm not sure about this.
 * Raph: He loves pizza and confined spaces you can barely breathe in.
 * (Ball starts shaking violently while Donnie and Goby try to hold on)
 * Molly: Donnie, I thought you said this would hold him.
 * Donnie (Ball starts rolling, taking him and Goby in it): Apparently!
 * (Donnie caught on outside, screaming as inside, Splinter runs like on a hamster wheel trying to get the pizza. Ball gets airborne, Donnie and Goby still stuck to the outside. Ball begins bouncing off the walls of the lair and then bursts open, releasing Splinter, who jumps into a pipe and disappears. Donnie and Goby then hit the ground with a thud)
 * Goby: ACHOO! Oh no. (Plastic wall zips up, locking Goby in) Wait guys, isn't there a breathe-able way about this quarantine? It's like I can feel Death Valley invading in here. (screams as jets spraying blue mist hit)
 * Raph: And then there were 8. Alright, fellas. Let's be careful so the rest of us can make sure we get what we want. Who's got eyes on the package?
 * (Gil gasps)
 * Gil: I lost him.
 * (Raph groans in frustration, Quick cut to flashlight in Raph’s hand. Light sweeping Splinter’s room)
 * Raph: Where's Splinter?
 * Gil: I don't know, it's real dark in here.
 * Oona: I can't see a thing.
 * (Suspenseful music plays. Mikey, Gil and Oona look fearful and whimper as Raph squats next to Splinter’s bed and lifts ruffle sheet. Mikey, Gil and Oona gasp as roach crawls out. Raph sighs in relief and then the three gasp again)
 * Raph: He's not under there. (Raph looks at Mikey, who appear so terrified) What? (turns around making the three shriek) Use your words.
 * Gil: He's.
 * Mikey: On.
 * Oona: You.
 * Raph: What? Heats on stew?
 * Gil: He's.
 * Mikey: On.
 * Oona: You.
 * Raph: He's on me?
 * Gil, Oona and Mikey (sink to the ground): Yes.
 * (Raph hears snarls and freezes. Splinter’s hands come down on his shoulders and Raph screams. Reaches back and grabs Splinter, pulling him loose and flinging him across the room. Splinter lands on his face, snarling. Then he pushes himself up and turns around, hands on cheeks and wearing a loving expression)
 * Splinter: Oh, my favorite son.
 * Gil: Favorite son? Is that bad?
 * Mikey: Oh yeah, real bad. RUN!

Stage 3: Captain Cuddle Cakes

 * Molly (taking off her hazmat suit): Phew, how did these things get so sweaty?
 * Nonny (out of his hazmat suit): That's because from all the breathing we took in.
 * Leo (taking off his hazmat suit): You kidding? These things do not breathe.
 * Donnie (removing his helmet): I know, right? Uh now, are you sure we're safe?
 * Leo: Calm down, we're fine. I'm sure the guys-- (then he sees them) Oh no.
 * Raph: Stage three. Stage three.
 * Splinter: Oh, little baby blue, come to papa!
 * Gil: Run for it! Run for it!
 * Raph: Suits on! Suits on!
 * (Leo runs alongside him, trying to get back into his suit)
 * Oona: Why did you take your suits off?
 * Molly (back in her suit): It wasn't us!
 * Donnie (puts his helmet back on): It was Leo!
 * Leo: No one forced you to, guys! (Falls down, then reappears in his suit) Ugh, what’s that smell?
 * Splinter: I love you.
 * Leo: No, you do not. I'm you're least favorite! (then falls back)
 * Donnie: Uh, Leo's infected. Quarantine him! (Plastic wall zips up, locking Leo in)
 * Leo: Hey you need me to get to the Must Say Yes stage. We need to ask for the onesies . . . (starts to sway) Whoa, it is really hot. Is there a fire? There’s a fire here, right? The floor is made of lava? (screams as jets spraying blue mist hit)
 * Raph: Down to 7. Alright, fellas. Let's be careful so the rest of us can make sure we get what we want. Who's got eyes on the package? (Mikey gasps)
 * Mikey: I lost him.
 * (Purple flash as the dummy explodes and Splinter appears in full ninja garb and carrying a sword)
 * Gil: Oh boy.

Stage 4: Ninja Supreme

 * (Splinter tosses throwing stars at Raph, who catches them on his tonfas)
 * Molly: Ninja stars?!
 * Splinter (charges at them): HOT SOUP!!!!
 * (Splinter runs past them, swinging his sword. They all yelp as he runs past and their hazmat suits practically disintegrate and then...)
 * Oona: Achoo! (Plastic wall zips up, locking Oona in) I'm sorry, guys. I'd tried my best, but I- I-
 * Molly: Oona, relax. It isn't you're fault.
 * Raph: Yeah, once we get Stage 7 done we'll bring you all pizza to cheer you up.
 * Mikey: Yes, don't worry.
 * Donnie: We'll be right back.
 * Nonny: Just stay in there.
 * Gil: It's not you.
 * Molly: You hear that? It's absolutely not you're fault.
 * Raph: We'll see you soon.
 * Donnie: It's not you're fault, it's not you're fault, it's not you're fault. It is Splinter's fault. I swear this is all Dad's fault!
 * Gil: Hey, you know what I think the problem is?
 * Mikey: What?
 * Gil: We probably should've took that tropical vacation when we had the chance. (then Donnie and Mikey start brawling with him)
 * Raph: Enough! This was our choosing that got us in this mess and now we've gotta get ourselves out.
 * Nonny: You know, it'll be much easier if our problem was here.
 * Raph: What? Where'd Splinter go? (then the light go out)
 * All: Huh?
 * Mikey: Guys! I think I felt him!
 * Donnie (baps Mikey on the head): Hey, that is my butt. (Raph flies across screen, lands on Donnie, and then stands back up. Mikey leaps on Raph, knocking him, Gil, Molly and Nonny to the ground) Ow! Will everyone please stop hitting me? (pulls down his goggle and sees his friends wrestling then Splinter invading his lab) Oh, not my lab! (Dramatic music plays as Donnie creeps towards his lab. Stops just outside the door to listen. Pulls his staff as he slowly enters the room. Perched above him on the ceiling is Splinter then a crash is heard)
 * Molly: Donnie, you hit?
 * (Donnie then leaps down between them, holding his arm which is now bandaged)
 * Donnie: No, no, I’m fine. I just cut myself on that janky old door. Everything’s okay. Raph, did you decide what we’re gonna ask for?
 * Raph: Yeah, I got it. I'm gonna ask for... (someone clearing their throat) Huh? What? (Splinter in ninja gear lands a few feet away. When he stands back up, he’s in his robe and holding a microphone) I'm...

Stage 5: Karaoke Love Songs

 * Mikey: I can't feel my ears!
 * Nonny: Me neither! Nothing is worth this!
 * Raph: We're so close. Only 2 stages left.
 * Donnie: And 6 totally healthy friends left. Man why is it so hot in here?! (Falls over. Close-up on second plastic wall being zipped up to hold Donnie as blue disinfectant sprays him) Oh, you’re gonna get squat from Splinter without Donnie, (beating on the plastic) not without Ol’ Donnie! I’m the brains behind this operation! Achoo!

Stage 6: Fan Fiction

 * Splinter: Okay, okay, okay. Listen, listen, listen. (Sets action figure of Lou Jitsu on table) Okay, we open on noodle shop.  It’s raining. Lou Jitsu . . . hot soups, two assassins, (acting out fighting scene) then wham . . . interdimensional doorway opens, and out walks . . .  dun-dun-duh! (Pops up with helmet on head) Jupiter Jim, and we smash to titles!
 * Mikey: This is amazing, keep going.
 * Molly: Indeed, I wish this story is a possibility.
 * Gil: Only 1 stage left. That's all we've got.
 * Raph: We're almost to Stage 7. This is the closest I've ever been to success, uh, ever. (Starts to high three with his friends but then Mikey sneezes and the others pull back as Mikey falls to the floor)
 * Molly: Oh, come on! (and for the sixth time the plastic wall being zipped up to enclose Mikey)
 * Mikey: We’re done. Raph is totally gonna blow this. He has no idea what to ask for, which means... Getting hot. It’s like I’m on the sun here. (Mikey hops around as blue disinfectant sprays him as Raph chuckles)
 * Raph: I'm not gonna blow this.
 * Gil: Oh yeah, that's what I like to hear Raph. Don't listen to what they're saying they're just nervous. But you, you're always the last hope. Now come on! Raph!
 * Molly: I!
 * Nonny: L!
 * Raph: ENOUGH! Daddy has to focus.
 * Leo: Raphael, I love you, my brother, but you do tend to fail in big moments. Pishposh. But that’s what makes you, you. Now bring it in, buddy. I’m gonna hug you till a smile comes out.
 * Gil, Molly, Nonny and Raph: ENOUGH!
 * Raph: Raph's got this, 'cause in big time moments, leaders make big time shots, and I’m big time!
 * Donnie: Raph! He must say yes. Make him say yes!
 * Raph: Enough! (to himself) Don’t mess this up, Raph. Don’t mess this up.
 * Nonny: You know exactly what you're gonna ask for, right?
 * Raph: Oh, you bet.